File 021 | A Difficult Line to Walk
As my relationship with Bob evolved from a casual friendship into a business relationship, one thing never changed.
On my end, it was always professional.
We first met through mutual friends. Our interactions were limited to gatherings at my best friend’s home, almost always with family and friends present.
Months later, Bob invited me to dinner with his business partners—Cookie, Big Don, and Don’s son—to celebrate securing an investment loan. During that dinner, our conversations shifted from friendship to business.
As we continued discussing opportunities, I introduced Bob to one of my business associates. My associate flew to Tucson, and the three of us met over dinner to discuss the possibility of working together.
Eventually, Bob expressed that he wanted Viral Solutions to become his marketing agency. He later asked me to end my existing business relationship with another associate if I wanted to move forward with him, giving me an October 1 deadline.
Believing we were entering into a long-term professional relationship, I made that decision.
We first met through mutual friends. Our interactions were limited to gatherings at my best friend’s home, almost always with family and friends present.
Months later, Bob invited me to dinner with his business partners—Cookie, Big Don, and Don’s son—to celebrate securing an investment loan. During that dinner, our conversations shifted from friendship to business.
As we continued discussing opportunities, I introduced Bob to one of my business associates. My associate flew to Tucson, and the three of us met over dinner to discuss the possibility of working together.
Eventually, Bob expressed that he wanted Viral Solutions to become his marketing agency. He later asked me to end my existing business relationship with another associate if I wanted to move forward with him, giving me an October 1 deadline.
Believing we were entering into a long-term professional relationship, I made that decision.
Familiarity Was Never the Same as Interest
As our business relationship developed, Bob routinely addressed me as “dahling.” A search of our text history returns dozens of similar messages, one example of which is shown here.
I never responded in kind.
I never used terms of endearment.
I never blurred the line between friendship and business.
From my perspective, there was never any ambiguity about the nature of our relationship.
My personal boundaries never changed.
I was never interested in Bob romantically.
Not at the beginning.
Not during our business relationship.
Not at the end.
Unfortunately, there were occasions when comments and conduct crossed boundaries I had worked hard to maintain.
The selfies, accompanied by the message “Need boobidge!”, are one example.
By themselves, they may not seem significant.
But they illustrate something that many women in business will immediately recognize.
There is often an unspoken balancing act.
How do you maintain a valuable business relationship without encouraging attention you do not welcome?
How do you decline personal advances without wondering whether doing so will jeopardize the business relationship you’ve spent months—or years—building?
How do you remain friendly without being misunderstood?
Those questions shouldn’t exist in a professional relationship.
Yet many women know they do.
I never encouraged romantic attention.
I never suggested there was anything beyond friendship and business.
When inappropriate comments were made—whether about ending up in my hotel room, not being able to control himself around me, attempting to kiss me after too much alcohol, or suggesting that staying overnight would mean sleeping in my bedroom—I did not reciprocate those advances.
Instead, I did what many professional women do.
I redirected the conversation back to business.
I maintained my boundaries.
I continued trying to preserve a professional working relationship because I believed in the business opportunity and the commitments that had been made.
This page is not included to embarrass anyone.
It is included because context matters.
If readers are going to understand the dynamic that existed between Bob and me, they should also understand something that has always been true:
There was never any ambiguity on my part.
It was friendship.
It became business.
It never became anything else.